Breaking in, breaking out, blogging to an as of yet non existent audience. I'm living on a line these days, doing things I want to do, have always wanted to do, but somehow am not sure if I agree with. This blog is one of them. It's great to have a place to put my thoughts, catalog my craziness, and share with the ones I love. In preparation for for my semester abroad in South Africa, I thought it would be a good idea to make a blog and commit to it. I'll have my journal while I'm there, but no one knows B like I know B, and I can see myself all the way over there, not really connecting with the people I love over here, and going crazy because of it all. I tend to get on my own independence/loneliness tip when I'm on my own where I know I can handle myself by myself, but I miss those I love dearly and feel guilty and horrible when I don't have that connection. BUT...alas, none of those people even know I have a Blog yet...we think we'll let them know soon.
Today was the Parade, the "rolling rally" if you will and as a lifetime C's fan, I was obviously in the crowd. I. LOVE. BASKETBALL. And to me, the Celtics ARE basketball. But I wouldn't be B if I weren't constantly questioning everything... including my favorite things ie: clothes make me think not only of feeling fabulous, but of sweatshops, materialism, and my place... not the bystander, rather start the riot, but how much hollering will get me out of my cute new leopard print pumps. Materialistic, and shallow I think. No, fierce and liberating. This is what we mean when we walk the line...which may be why I've taken to referring to myself in the plural?? Do i sense a slpit? An ideological separation? Well...that's definitely how I feel about the C's. Or the sports industry in general. Talk about a modern slave trade, this picture says it best:
Gotta love the power of the image. How can I begin to describe and then actually scribe my musings about the commodification of the black body, the ways in which we are still enslaved (physically and mentally) and how blinded we are at times to our own abuse that we willingly lend ropes to the lynchers. Sometimes, not so willingly: like how Rebel Diaz was arrested and got arraigned today?! SERIOUSLY?? The NYPD are ASKING for it. Sean Bell lives on in our continued struggle and we.will.not.forget.
I met Rebel Diaz when they came out to Hampshire, along with Dead Prez, for our Hip Hop OCnference this past semester. State violence is so disgusting, but they got it all on tape, as you can see on YouTube if you follow the link, so my prayers are with those brothers, and hoping that for every man of color beaten while demanding what's rightfully his, there's a crowd of people yelling at 5-0 and a ziggin with a camera phone documenting that bull.
Ok, back to "the line". I also never agreed with the N word. but it has DEFINITELY always agreed to come out my mouth. Well, not always. I definitely didn't start until HS when I met my, then, best friend who said it alllllll the time. It's been a struggle to get rid of ever since. But now, I have "ziggin", a great replacement provided by TJ by way of Juuuuuuulie, so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be ziggin it up, at least for the rest of the summer. Until I go to Africa, where it will be winter, and maybe a ziggin will let it go...? We'll see.
So, at the parade today, I saw my uncle, but he didn't see me. And most of the people I claim as family aren't at all related to me, but this one really was. Same last name and everything, was my favorite uncle when I was a kid, so i hear, I was too young to remember now, but I saw him and just watched him pass by. Funny. I have nothing against him and still think he's really great, but my whole image of family is allllll kind of messed up and I guess...I don't know, at times like there I recognize that. My sisters (actually related, same m/f) were there too, so I got to spend some time with them. We bond most off of our combined distaste for a certain person who's had a bit tooo much control over our lives. That's all we'll say about that person. But it was good to see them and be with family. Not so good? Having lunch with my boy and running into my ex-bff yesterday. AWWWK-WAAARD. That's all we'll say on THAT.
except this: I am so happy to have the people I do have in my life still here. Like I say, I know B liek no one else knows B, and I know I put up walls sometimes just to see who cares enough to break them down. And I got those people. I got my Juuuulie and my Boog, got me my Ace, and no matter what issues we have, they get resolved. THEY.GET.RESOLVED. And I think that's cause don't nobody know my like me...except ya'll. And sometimes you know me better than I know myself. So while I stress about traveling and being ACTUALLY alone after a year of crazy ups and downs and merely feeling alone, it's you all that I know I'll truly miss. So this blog is for you. I hope ya'll ziggins read it! I need to feel like I have ya'll no matter where I go, no matter what corner I call home...
...but that's never been a problem before.
exOH.
Today was the Parade, the "rolling rally" if you will and as a lifetime C's fan, I was obviously in the crowd. I. LOVE. BASKETBALL. And to me, the Celtics ARE basketball. But I wouldn't be B if I weren't constantly questioning everything... including my favorite things ie: clothes make me think not only of feeling fabulous, but of sweatshops, materialism, and my place... not the bystander, rather start the riot, but how much hollering will get me out of my cute new leopard print pumps. Materialistic, and shallow I think. No, fierce and liberating. This is what we mean when we walk the line...which may be why I've taken to referring to myself in the plural?? Do i sense a slpit? An ideological separation? Well...that's definitely how I feel about the C's. Or the sports industry in general. Talk about a modern slave trade, this picture says it best:
I met Rebel Diaz when they came out to Hampshire, along with Dead Prez, for our Hip Hop OCnference this past semester. State violence is so disgusting, but they got it all on tape, as you can see on YouTube if you follow the link, so my prayers are with those brothers, and hoping that for every man of color beaten while demanding what's rightfully his, there's a crowd of people yelling at 5-0 and a ziggin with a camera phone documenting that bull.
Ok, back to "the line". I also never agreed with the N word. but it has DEFINITELY always agreed to come out my mouth. Well, not always. I definitely didn't start until HS when I met my, then, best friend who said it alllllll the time. It's been a struggle to get rid of ever since. But now, I have "ziggin", a great replacement provided by TJ by way of Juuuuuuulie, so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be ziggin it up, at least for the rest of the summer. Until I go to Africa, where it will be winter, and maybe a ziggin will let it go...? We'll see.
So, at the parade today, I saw my uncle, but he didn't see me. And most of the people I claim as family aren't at all related to me, but this one really was. Same last name and everything, was my favorite uncle when I was a kid, so i hear, I was too young to remember now, but I saw him and just watched him pass by. Funny. I have nothing against him and still think he's really great, but my whole image of family is allllll kind of messed up and I guess...I don't know, at times like there I recognize that. My sisters (actually related, same m/f) were there too, so I got to spend some time with them. We bond most off of our combined distaste for a certain person who's had a bit tooo much control over our lives. That's all we'll say about that person. But it was good to see them and be with family. Not so good? Having lunch with my boy and running into my ex-bff yesterday. AWWWK-WAAARD. That's all we'll say on THAT.
except this: I am so happy to have the people I do have in my life still here. Like I say, I know B liek no one else knows B, and I know I put up walls sometimes just to see who cares enough to break them down. And I got those people. I got my Juuuulie and my Boog, got me my Ace, and no matter what issues we have, they get resolved. THEY.GET.RESOLVED. And I think that's cause don't nobody know my like me...except ya'll. And sometimes you know me better than I know myself. So while I stress about traveling and being ACTUALLY alone after a year of crazy ups and downs and merely feeling alone, it's you all that I know I'll truly miss. So this blog is for you. I hope ya'll ziggins read it! I need to feel like I have ya'll no matter where I go, no matter what corner I call home...
...but that's never been a problem before.
exOH.
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